Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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