Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
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I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
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Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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