I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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