The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
