The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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