Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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