just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
