Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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