I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm too high and old for this...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life