that's an acceptable place to lick
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Randomize
