I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
