my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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