I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
