Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
