even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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