note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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