I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
