I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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