so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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