So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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