So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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