we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
