I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
