Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
