I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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