She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
