dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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