Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
