I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
