I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Green mimosas i think yes
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
