i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
