Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize
