Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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