i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
