i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
