That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
