Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
