Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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