You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
