Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
