No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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