how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
