I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
