but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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