Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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