I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
