I got chris browned last night
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
