Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize