my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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