Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
