Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
