I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
