You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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