y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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