Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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