Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
