He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
