either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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