i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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