u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
