Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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