His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
