can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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