Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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