Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she looked like the before picture.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
