whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
