somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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