I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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