You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
