i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
