Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we made out on top of his cat.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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