I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
