I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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