Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
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I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
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Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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