I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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