Just fell off a train. Bad.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
